Work Cited

Internet Addiction Counseling and Recovery. (n.d.). Retrieved February 22, 2016, from http://netaddiction.com/counseling/

http://www.livestrong.com/article/121871-internet-addiction/

Heerey, E.A., & Kring, A.M. (2007). Interpersonal consequences of social anxiety.Journal of   Abnormal Psychology, 116: 125-134.

Wolak, J., Mitchell, K. J., & Finkelhor, D. (2003). Escaping or Connecting? Characteristics of Youth Who Form Close Online Relationships. Journal of Adolescence, 26(1), 105-119.

Carson-DeWitt, R., MD, & Jasmer, R., MD. (n.d.). What Is Internet Addiction? Retrieved February 21, 2016, from http://www.everydayhealth.com/internet-addiction/  

Facts About Internet Addiction. (2015). Retrieved February 22, 2016, from http://www.livestrong.com/article/121871-internet-addiction/

Center for Internet Addiction - Education and Treatment. (n.d.). Retrieved February 22, 2016, from http://netaddiction.com/

5 facts about online dating. (2015). Retrieved February 21, 2016, from http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2015/04/20/5-facts-about-online-dating/

35 Characteristics of a Relationship Addict | Growthtrac Marriage. (2005). Retrieved February 22, 2016, from http://www.growthtrac.com/relationship-addict/?gclid=CjwKEAiA0ZC2BRDpo_Pym8m-4n4SJAB5Bn4xYa5BlI6QjTCnPXfEkcT0_3P75JxzTUo-Xs9RCrq5JhoCXq_w_wcB#.Vsn7svkrLIV

Online Dating & Relationships. (2013). Retrieved February 22, 2016, from http://www.pewinternet.org/2013/10/21/online-dating-relationships/

Weiss, D. (2015). I Became Addicted to Online Dating. Retrieved February 19, 2016, from http://www.alternet.org/i-became-addicted-online-dating

Subrahmanyam, K., Greenfield, P., Tynes, B. “Constructing Sexuality and Identity in an Online Chatroom”, Journal of Applied Developmental Pshychology 25, no. 6 (2004) : 651-66.

Griffiths, M. (n.d). Internet Addiction- Time To Be Taken Seriously. Retrieved July 11, 2009.

EHarmony | History Of Our Online Dating Site & Services. (2012, January). Retrieved February 15, 2016,  from http://www.eharmony.com/about/eharmony/

Finkel, E. J., Eastwick, P. W., Karney, B. R., Reis, H. T., & Sprecher, S. (2012). Online Dating: A Critical Analysis From the Perspective of Psychological Science. Psychological Science in the Public Interest,13(1), 3-66.

              Getting Caught by a Catfish – www.loveisrespect.org. (2014). Retrieved February 19, 2016, from http://www.loveisrespect.org/content/getting-caught-catfish/

Gordon, R. (2013). This Man Was Able To Successfully Sue His Wife For Being Ugly To The Tune Of $120,000. Retrieved February 16, 2016, from http://elitedaily.com/news/world/man-china-wrong-suing-

wife-ugly/

Peterson, H. (2013). 'Catfishing:' The phenomenon of Internet scammers who fabricate online identities and entire social circles to trick people into romantic relationships. Retrieved February 19, 2016, from http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2264053/Catfishing-The-phenomenon-Internet-scammers-fabricate-online-identities-entire-social-circles-trick-people-romantic-relationships.html

Romance ScamsThe Official Romance Scams Website. (n.d.). Retrieved February 19, 2016, from http://www.romancescams.org/

Ronnie, T. (2015). Man Sues Wife For Being Ugly, After Seeing Her Without Makeup For The First Time. Retrieved February 19, 2016, from http://www.howwe.biz/news/WeirdAndShocking/7883/

Chan, D. K., & Cheng, G. H. (2004). Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. A Comparison of Offline and Online Friendship Qualities at Different Stages of Relationship Development, 21(3). Retrieved February 16, 2016, from http://spr.sagepub.com/content/21/3/305.short

Ellison, N., Heino, R., & Gibbs, J. (2006). Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication. Managing Impressions Online: Self-Presentation Processes in the Online Dating Environment, 11(2). Retrieved February 16, 2016, from http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1083-6101.2006.00020.x/full

How to Get Better

     There is a story I read on the Internet Addiction Center website that really stuck with me. It’s a story from one of the counsellors that talks about why she got into this type of counseling in the first place. She talks about how her friend lost her husband to AOL chat rooms and that they had ended up ending their marriage in divorce, over something that is completely avoidable and treatable.

     The first step to getting any type of help for any type of problem, whether it be online dating addictions or not being able to reach the top shelf, is to actually admit that you need the help. Admitting you have a problem sounds like the easiest part, but for most people it has and always will be the hardest part. No one likes to admit that they’re wrong so many people find this to be difficult, especially if they’re so caught up in it that they don’t think they are doing anything wrong. 

    The first option to get help with many different kinds of problems, is to go through therapy. This helps find the root of your problem and why you are addicted to such, it helps you figure your addiction out. Some of the types of therapy you can incur are cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), group therapy, 12-step social support groups, and alternative types of therapies

     For more serious addictions there is something called inpatient treatment, this is for serious cases. At the Bradford Regional Medical Center in Bradford, Pa there is a ten to twenty-one day residential program that is run by the clinical team. It provides you with individual, group, and family counselling. This is something more along the lines of a rehabilitation center so for severe cases this is the best bet.

     With any kind of addiction whether it be online relationship addiction or alcoholism there is always a way out and there is always someone who can help. Like I said above, the first step to any problem is admitting that there is a problem. So many people spiral into these addictions simply because they don’t think they’re doing anything wrong. Focus, and think about what you’re doing and how it affects not only you but those around you.
     

Citations:

1. Internet Addiction Counseling and Recovery. (n.d.). Retrieved February 22, 2016, from http://netaddiction.com/counseling/

2. http://www.livestrong.com/article/121871-internet-addiction/

    

Signs and Symptoms

The signs and symptoms of online dating addiction, like all other addictions, can sometimes be hard to catch if you’re not paying attention. A lot of the symptoms are how you’re feeling yourself, so it can be hard for other people to try to guess what you’re feeling. 

Some signs and symptoms of the addiction that are felt internally by you are listed on the Internet Addiction Center website. One of the questions they ask is “Do you feel preoccupied with the internet? (Think about previous online activity/chats or anticipate the next online session?) This meaning is this online chat room or dating site the only thing you can think about. Another symptom is seeking a new relationship while still in a relationship, this is a key factor because you can’t stay with just one person. Listed below is a continued list of feelings/internal symptoms you can catch yourself to diagnose the problem:

1. Do you feel the need to use the internet for long periods of time in order to feel accomplished?

2. Do you get restless and moody when you try to stop using the internet?

3. Do you struggle to maintain the romance intensity of your relationships?

4. Do you feel desperate/alone when not in a relationship?

5. Do you lie to your family/friends about being online and being in these relationships?

These were the symptoms you can feel yourself, the symptoms that other people can look out for, like friends and family are more general. If you notice someone you know has tried to control their behaviour with the internet and continuously fails to, they may be addicted. If someone is neglecting their friends and family, or more importantly their health by neglecting the fact that they need to eat or sleep can be a big factor in finding the problem. If you notice someone you know looks very tired, hasn’t eaten and is constantly online they may have a problem. Other symptoms to watch out for in friends and family are:

• If someone you know is continuously lying to their friends/family about what they’re doing or who they’re seeing
•           Weight gain/loss, body aches, and carpal tunnel syndrome is a key factor
•            If someone is withdrawing from activities they once found pleasurable to make more time to be online this is the start of a serious problem
• If someone relies on romantic intensity to relieve stress

All of these symptoms can also be symptoms of other addictions or problems, getting someone you know help is the first step in their recovery! Any questions, comments, or concerns can be directed to www.netaddiction.com.

Citations:
1. Facts About Internet Addiction. (2015). Retrieved February 22, 2016, from http://www.livestrong.com/article/121871-internet-addiction/
2. Center for Internet Addiction - Education and Treatment. (n.d.). Retrieved February 22, 2016, from http://netaddiction.com/

The Pros and Cons of Online Relationships

To understand the “why” question when discussing an addiction to online relationships one must take a step back and look at the information that is pounded into our brains. Studies have shown that 35% of relationships start online. That being said, the rest of the relationships are categorized as 22% from work, 19% through friends, and the rest through things like church and bars.

            Continuing to look at statistics of online relationships studies have shown that of the people who were surveyed, who were divorced, 7.67% of them had been from offline relationships. Whereas a mere 5.96% of them began with online relationships. That’s how the relationships and marriages end, how they begin and better yet, how happy the participants are is another question. Of a study of marriages, couples rated their satisfaction. Online relationships had a rating of 5.64 whereas offline relationships had a rating of 5.48.

Sitting back and staring these facts in the face gives you a perspective to look at and consider. It is easy to see how someone gets sucked into the online dating world when there are so many success stories, and the only ones we ever get to see on TV and on online ads are the success stories of them. People get so caught up in the thought of it being mostly a success and forget the fact that there are many, many unhappy endings as well.

Catchy phrases and slogans from different websites like E-Harmony’s “Beat the odds, bet on love” or Match.com’s “Make love happen” subconsciously make you believe every story is a good one because that’s all that they broadcast.

The gate is opening wider as the internet expands and as people become more comfortable with the online world. This can already be shown in a chart showing opinions of online dating from 2005 to 2013, the results change dramatically.

What isn’t being considered is the fact that ten percent of online daters are sex offenders. This means that if you were to go and meet one hundred people you met online, at least ten of them would be sex offenders. We don’t think about how studies have shown that most men lie about their age, income, and height whereas women lie about their weight, height, and age. We teach kids about cyber dangers at a young age but no one is teaching adults that it can be just as dangerous.


Citations:

1. 5 facts about online dating. (2015). Retrieved February 21, 2016, from http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2015/04/20/5-facts-about-online-dating/

2. 35 Characteristics of a Relationship Addict | Growthtrac Marriage. (2005). Retrieved February 22, 2016, from http://www.growthtrac.com/relationship-addict/?gclid=CjwKEAiA0ZC2BRDpo_Pym8m-4n4SJAB5Bn4xYa5BlI6QjTCnPXfEkcT0_3P75JxzTUo-Xs9RCrq5JhoCXq_w_wcB#.Vsn7svkrLIV

3. Online Dating & Relationships. (2013). Retrieved February 22, 2016, from http://www.pewinternet.org/2013/10/21/online-dating-relationships/

Is Online Dating Destroying Love!?

Imagine standing in a room with millions of people, all trying to pitch themselves to you. How overwhelming would it be to be told to pick one? This is one of the many reasons why online dating is destroying our ability to fall in love and stay in love. Having an online profile gives you access to pretty much anyone in the world and with so many people it makes it difficult to choose one. There is one thing that has stuck in my mind when researching this topic and it’s a quote from an online article saying “when you look at their profiles they’re all the same”. Everyone is trying to achieve this “perfect” type and ultimately end up becoming the same thing you read five minutes ago. “Great job, loves to talk, wants commitment, blah blah blah”.

                This need to be perfect stems from the fact that Hollywood has been pushing these unrealistic expectations on men and women since the beginning of their life. From princess movies to romantic comedies, there’s always a guy who makes a mistake and ends up having to chase after the girl. This has really damaged the fact that that’s not how life works sometimes.

                Online dating has taken away the key parts of what are now called “old-fashioned” relationships. There is no space, no time apart, no need to miss anyone because you are in constant contact with them. Texting has replaced talking and has built a barrier around our actual ability to have a conversation. I’ve met so many people in person after talking to them through text that can’t even hold a conversation, but we could text for days.

      Having the only source of communication be through texting or online chatting takes away the aspect of even building a commitment with one another. It’s so easy to hurt and leave someone when you haven’t built any real commitment with them. Texting blocks the ability to actually build a trustworthy, loving relationship. You don’t get to know the real partner, you get to know their computer screen.

 It’s so easy to fall in love with someone’s words when you know nothing about their personality or even their life. Anyone can say “perfect” things or make beautiful sentences. Google is a beautiful thing these days, and allows anyone to form a perfect, “prince-charming” front.

                With a lack of actual communication, no space, and no time together, future relationships are only going to get worse. People will stop committing and start this never ending cycle of talking to different people because we’ve lost the ability to commit. Technology is a great thing but it is coming in the way of what really matters. 

Relationship Scams or Catfishing!?

Relationship Scams are scams that involve two people and one of the partners is lying about their actual attributes or physical appearance. They try to get involved with the other partner when he/she may not know what they are really like. An example of this incident can be when a “China man sued his wife for being unpleasant after he discovered she had had a $100,000 worth of plastic surgery before he met her” (Gordon, 2013). It was reported that that the man was surprised after the couple’s daughter was born and did not understand why she was unpleasant since both he and the wife were good-looking (Gordon, 2013). He later found out that the wife had surgery to make her look more appealing, which he later sued her for “lying” to her and marrying him under dishonesty. 

Another word for relationship scams can be tied into Catfishing. Catfishing can be described as “creating fake profiles on social networking sites by tricking people into thinking that they are someone else” (Peterson, 2013). An example of Catfishing can be of the man in Algeria who sued his wife for being less attractive without makeup. “The morning after their wedding, the man said he was shocked to see his wife’s natural face” (Ronnie, 2015). The man claimed to have said that she looked beautiful and attractive before the marriage, but when she woke up the next morning and found her with no makeup on he was frightened by her and thought she was a thief (Ronnie, 2015). This can relate to a relationship scam because one could say that she altered her face with extreme amount of makeup from what she actually looked like.

Catfishing can be used as a source of revenge, loneliness or even boredom. People may use catfish because they have been betrayed by someone else who meant a lot to them and because of that reason they may take it as a chance to get back at someone. However, revenge may be a cause for Catfishing, but one of the biggest reasons why people catfish is because they don’t feel confident in whom they really are so they pretend to be someone they are not (NA, 2014). Furthermore, usually when people pretend to be someone else and talk to other people over the internet, they start falling for the person they started an online relationship with and they become scared to reveal themselves. “If a catfish does come clean to the other person, it can create a lot of trust issues, since the relationship was not build on total honesty” (NA, 2014). In conclusion, relationship scams have a lot more debt than just pretending to be someone else including emotional and physical elements related to it.

 Getting Caught by a Catfish – www.loveisrespect.org. (2014). Retrieved February 19, 2016, from http://www.loveisrespect.org/content/getting-caught-catfish/

Gordon, R. (2013). This Man Was Able To Successfully Sue His Wife For Being Ugly To The Tune Of $120,000. Retrieved February 16, 2016, from http://elitedaily.com/news/world/man-china-wrong-suing-wife-ugly/

Peterson, H. (2013). 'Catfishing:' The phenomenon of Internet scammers who fabricate online identities and entire social circles to trick people into romantic relationships. Retrieved February 19, 2016, from http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2264053/Catfishing-The-phenomenon-Internet-scammers-fabricate-online-identities-entire-social-circles-trick-people-romantic-relationships.html

Romance ScamsThe Official Romance Scams Website. (n.d.). Retrieved February 19, 2016, from http://www.romancescams.org/

Ronnie, T. (2015). Man Sues Wife For Being Ugly, After Seeing Her Without Makeup For The First Time. Retrieved February 19, 2016, from http://www.howwe.biz/news/WeirdAndShocking/7883/

Online Long Distance Relationships

Long distance relationship adds a level of difficulty to the couple’s relationship.  Usually in a long-distance relationship, couples are challenged especially through difficult times that can either make or break a relationship. Some examples of challenges couples face when in a distant relationship are: time differences, schedules and lack of seeing each other.  Long distance couples may need the time to call and stay in touch with each other throughout the day which can be difficult. “Online dating dates typically implement the services of access, communication, and matching to not always improve romantic outcomes” (Ellison, N., Heiono, R., & Gibbs, J., 2006).

Although online dating has access, has the ability to communicate and find the perfect match, it may trigger one of the partners to commit, be lazy or even give up when problems need to be sorted out. Face-to-face meetings may actually hurt people’s romantic prospects due to the fact that they may have had certain expectations in mind of the person, but once they officially meet they might turn out to be someone they are not (Ellison, N., Heiono, R., & Gibbs, J., 2006).Also, keeping in mind that online relationships may even cause unpleasant violations to the other person – through the internet and one-on-one when they officially meet (Ellison, N., Heiono, R., & Gibbs, J., 2006). In online dating, the main disadvantage that one may seek is dishonesty.  Perceptions that other are lying may encourage reciprocal deception because users may exaggerate to the extent that they feel others are exaggerating or deceiving (Ellison, N., Heiono, R., & Gibbs, J., 2006). “Additionally, Hancock Thom-Samtelli and Ritchie (2004) note that design features of a medium may affect lying behaviors and that the use of recorded media will discourage lying (Ellison, N., Heiono, R., & Gibbs, J., 2006). Another aspect to online dating is that online romantic relationships are more likely to engage in misrepresentation than those involved in face-to-face relationships (Ellison, N., Heiono, R., & Gibbs, J., 2006).

In contrast, offline relationships may be more convenient for both the partners.  “Offline relationships offer more interdependence, understanding and commitment than online relationships” (Chan, D. K., & Cheng, G. H.,2004). Thus being said, studies show that offline relationships are stronger than online relationships. In offline relationships, you are able to talk to the person face-to-face, communicate, interact and physically be with your partner. “Results suggest that the influence of the structural and normative constraints typically found in face-to-face interaction may be different in the online setting” (Chan, D. K., & Cheng, G. H.,2004). Offline relationships also may have more trust and less dishonesty and lying compared to online relationships.  Usually in an offline relationship, people may get to know each other first and see what they are like and then continue on being around them or dating. Another advantage to offline relationships is that you may have more mutual friends which may make it easier to trust the other partner.  Furthermore, offline relationships may be better because online relationships may take longer to mature (Owen, 2015). That being said, offline relationships may be the better pick because online relationships can create a stress on the couple’s relationship.

Chan, D. K., & Cheng, G. H. (2004). Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. A Comparison of Offline and Online Friendship Qualities at Different Stages of Relationship Development, 21(3). Retrieved February 16, 2016, from http://spr.sagepub.com/content/21/3/305.short

Ellison, N., Heino, R., & Gibbs, J. (2006). Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication. Managing Impressions Online: Self-Presentation Processes in the Online Dating Environment, 11(2). Retrieved February 16, 2016, from http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1083-6101.2006.00020.x/full

Owen, S. (2015). Online Dating Vs. Offline Dating: Are Outcomes Different? | Sam Owen's Relationship Coach Blog. Retrieved February 19, 2016, from http://www.relationshipscoach.co.uk/blog/online-dating-vs-offline-dating-are-outcomes-different/